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Originally Posted by Anglo
*Why do I, and why does she constantly waste my time? Is this her reaching out for help? Wasting my time for the attention or sympathy?
Don't get me wrong, it's not just my sister. I've actually come across many friends who act in a similar way and I find that just as annoying. I'm starting to wonder if this is something people do when they want help, but not enough to take steps in the right direction? Or if it is as simplistic as wanting or needing attention? Validation for what she's feeling?
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Forgive me for saying this, but I think you are looking at this in a rather misguided way. Perhaps I am wrong, perhaps I look at such situations wrong and you have it right - but I'm not upset by it, and that's got to count for something. You seem to believe that when people ask for advice, they are asking you what they should do. When I ask for advice (which admittedly is not very often) I am asking for an alternate way of looking at my problem. The decision on what to do with my problem is still mine. "What would you do?" is not a preface to me giving up my autonomy.
You said something above that really stood out to me. You said, "...when they want help, but not enough to take steps in the
right direction?" Obviously you think it is the right direction, or you wouldn't have offered the advice, but you seem convinced that it is the right way for them - and I think this is what is causing your consternation.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Anglo
As annoying as I find it, I still want to help. Is there a way of breaking through this behaviour to actually help her? Or is this behaviour, when indulged, could only get worse? If it's about validation I'd be happy to help, and continue to offer my support, but I can't do it all the time. Especially when it's the same problems over and over again. I'm exhausted.
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I become exhausted when I become emotionally invested in the results. If I give my advice freely, expecting nothing in return, I am not easily tired. Changing dysfunctional habits is usually a process. You may be helping her prepare for change that she is not quite ready to make yet, but is getting closer emotionally because of your continued support.