So a while back, I made a thread about feeling a conflict between a desire to pursue my own weird little ambitions despite intellectual awareness of how it isn't ultimately going to mean anything.

Apparently, this didn't get resolved.

Why does it hurt so much? Why do (not so) random things remind me of how happenstance my existence is, how soon I'll be forgotten, how empty, from a global or certainly universal perspective, any of my accomplishments are. So why bother doing them, because I can't quite manage to strive for something while simultaneously believing with all my heart that it doesn't matter at all. Heck, what of how meaningless my own internal psychodrama, my feelings, my Self are. I mean, they're everything to me, I'd like to share them with someone else. But maybe it's wrong to feel that way, considering the reality...

I'm really sorry for bothering everyone with this crap again. It's annoying to me too. I guess I just don't know what to do with myself.

Seemingly everyone else can deal with this, what am I missing?