T , you asked me what was the thing that had kept me in therapy despite all the obstacles ... i don't know , but i guess it's the same thing that makes me thing of you whenever i need help and feel stuck. that is also the reason for me wanting to quit ; because i immediately remember that there's no logical or even emotional reasons i should be thinking of you as " help " cause i hardly ever have got comfort from a t session . most of the times it makes me feel worse . i hate myself for holding on to the hope that you will fix me , that this session will come and i won't be feeling stuck anymore.
i just wish i could show you this posts maybe you could understand how i'm struggling .
funny , you know, 10 minutes ago i felt like ,things are ok , i will discuss my issue and we'll get connected again and i'll solve this . but now again I'm in tears , thinking we'll get to the end of this weak's session with me feeling rejected and not understood. of course there's no rejection from you it's just me... .i wanna say i need you but i keep thinking i need you for what ???