Hi Yoda... yes there is a way out of where you are at and you are doing all the right things to get there. It takes time. It takes honouring your limits and not beating yourself up when you can't do as much as you'd like or think you should. You have to pace yourself and take lots of breaks. All the things you are doing suggest you get that. It will get better in time.

A year ago I was in such bad shape that I couldn't leave my house. I couldn't drive. I couldn't stand long enough to even do the dishes. I couldn't talk to anyone without crying from the stress of trying to pay attention or keep up a conversation. I couldn't work for lack of energy and lack of focus. I wasn't sleeping more than a couple of hours a night if that. I was at my very lowest point.

It has been a year of slow recovery and the contrast to where I was at is striking. I am still not 100% but I'm so much better than I was that I have real reason to be optomistic about my future. I expect this year to bring even more progress.

I'm not sharing my story with you to hi-jack your thread but to demonstrate to you that you have good reason to be hopeful. As bad as things are right now they can and they will get better. You seem to know all the right things to do and you seem to have the determination to get better.

I hope you feel encouraged knowing that many people here understand from experience the pain you are in right now and can also report from experience that in time and with effort and determination you can get better. A whole lot better. It just takes patience and realistic expectations.

As for the subject of suicide.... I interpret the rules like you. Not okay to announce on the board an intention to suicide but it is okay to ask for help when you are dealing with suicidal thoughts or refer to times in our lives when we struggle/d with the issue.

If I am wrong then I need to know that too. I've no doubt an administrator will show up here to clarify this for us. Probably would have by now if we'd crossed the line already. That's part of the beauty of this place. Lots of wonderful people looking out for others. So long as our intention is to be informative and helpful than I doubt it would be an off-limits topic.

I wish you continued success making forward motions in your life. You are a true survivor and it will get better and better day by day. Believe it. Continue to believe in yourself and believe that all your dreams can come true. Your dreams my begin to change over the course of your recovery so stay open to a new vision for your life. I have and I'm very content and optimistic about how its unfolding.

Take good care.....