Ideation only in depression, but it's almost always just a passive hope.

On the other hand with mania, I've done something dangerous like go outside towards a dark road in my pajamas in the middle of a big city that I don't live in past midnight with no id, money, or anything. And I threw away the hotel key in the elevator. All this was because I thought it was the only way to escape a metaphorical hell. The hell of having to lay in bed all night while manic and everyone else is sleeping (I felt like I was in there for days) was comparable to the 'hell' I experienced growing up. Not that I had a bad childhood or anything, but there were a few experiences which I feel like messed me up emotionally for a few years. Leaving the hotel was very freeing, though what could have happened had my spouse not found me could have been disastrous. No sui intentions behind it at all.

Being locked in an er and then later a locked ward a few days later was disappointing to say the least. All that progress regarding my self-esteem and standing up for myself was just ripped away and I felt worse about myself than ever.