I am trying to focus on other things. This is a very powerful feeling because it keeps you from moving on with your life. You're right I do have a very idolized version of her because to be truthful I don't really know her that well. Like I said I'm doing a little work with my therapist on this but right now that's my only venting avenue and it's not very much. I hope this will die soon because I'd like to remove the chains and get out of this funk. What's making this more difficult lately is that Summer is coming and I keep thinking about how nice it would be to hang with her. Anyway I had a nasty relapse last night in my thought patterns - I had to relate this to somebody and thanks.