I agree about the fear of anger - I definitely have that. Its hard to see how something so destructive can be a positive thing. But also, I think perhaps its because to other people, the mistreatment we experienced was mistreatment. But to me - it was just normal. Its not out of the ordinary, and is an accepted - I don't know - way of life I guess. (An attitude reinforced by family). Maybe in order to feel anger, I first have to accept that my normality is not the norm - and that many other people experience a childhood so completely different to mine, it makes mine worthy of being at angry at. I haven't fully realised that yet, and so I don't have anything to be angry at yet.