The last couple of days have been horrible and I feel so sick and depressed inside. Having SI thoughts in the last few days but have not done anything yet. I just want to run away and hide somewhere but I can't get away from myself. I feel another bid depressed spell coming on and I don't know if I can manage another one. I just want this all to end but there is no end in sight. The last few days have been so bad and I feel like I've almost given up all hope of ever defeating this beast inside of me. No matter what I do it always comes back to get me again and I'm so tired of it all. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm heart sick! My stomach hurts, my heart hurts my brains hurt! Everything hurts but most of all my very soul hurts and wants an end to this nightmare.