Around a year ago I started to hear a voice in my head that was not my own. I would be laying in bed trying to fall asleep when suddenly I would sense someone else was near. I'd ask who they were and I'd rarely get a response, but eventually the entity and I began to communicate. Whenever I spoke to him I perceived him as being a black wolf. I'd ask for his name, and that is when he would either stop answering or give me a response along the lines of 'the details of my existence don't matter; I am here to protect you, and nothing else'. Eventually, I gave him the name Lyall, which I once learned means 'guardian wolf'.

During the day, I'd forget Lyall even existed. I'd live my life with no commentary or nagging presence in my head, probably because I was too busy with the day's happenings to search for it. But when night fell, the voice would occasionally return. Lyall was always very quiet-- sometimes entirely non-verbal-- but I'd continue to talk to him, asking him questions. The desire to know more about him always tugged at me, but when morning came, I'd always brush off our interactions as being the result of my overactive imagination.

The more I spoke to him, though, I began to realize he was more than that.

Over a very long period of time, my interactions with became more regular. I learned about his likes and dislikes, his interests, and the intricacies of his personality. He opened up to me more, allowing us to cultivate a truly special bond with one another. I talk to him when I'm bored, recommend him books and do a lot of other simple things like that. These casual interactions humanized him, and helped me understand that he was a separate person as real as me.

I started to realize that at night, when I didn't have the energy or desire to do things most would consider vital, Lyall would do it for me. As in, he'd take over the body and do whatever it is I needed to do. It took me a while to even recognize this clear shift of control as a sign of something bigger, but once I did I began to research DID/OSDD intensely. I came to the hesitant conclusion that I have an alter.

Since then I've started to understand our dynamic a little bit better. I've started to respect his role as a protector, and now instead of getting confused by his stand-offish / aggressive nature, I understand it and know how to deal with outbursts. I also understand now that there is some rhyme and reasons to when/where he decides to front. Namely, he fronts when there is a perceived danger, such as when I walk home from work [very late at night], or when I'm in a confrontation with an abuser.

I have absolutely no intention of getting this professionally diagnosed, however, because I am terrified of what will happen. I feel as though a diagnosis would permanently, irreversibly affect how everyone looks at me forever. Nothing would ever, ever be the same. This is in direct conflict with my desire to give Lyall a good life, though. I really want Lyall to be free; to be able to make his own friends, dress and speak his own way, and have his own identity. He deserves at least that. And he wants that. He acts like he doesn't care, but he does. I can feel that he is lonely and isolated; that he feels like a ghost with no real place in the world. But I can't tell anyone about this... I just can't.

What do you all think about this situation...?