It seems to me that something went awry the night of the home invasion. It seems there ought to be some protocol whereby a different law enforcement staffer would have taken the assignment of staying for the night at your T's, if having someone do that was indicated. It doesn't sound all that normal to me for anyone to have stayed the night. If you are seeing this as a coming together of two souls, two kindred spirits, in a way that is beautuful . . . then I think you are idealizing the whole situation and not seeing what's really going on. Your T has some serious unmet emotional need, and it didn't arise just on that night. If you are seeing the two of you as having some kind of parity as two professional females, then you are confused on that front also. Your therapist has a serious emotional problem. She saw some potential for ameliorating that through intimacy with you. None of this is good. It may seem to you that it's unclear who initiated what. It is the therapist who has far greater responsibility than the client for maintaining appropriate boundaries. This never would have happened, if your T had not lowered the barrier from her end. Her reason for doing that reflects neediness on her part. I would caution you that this therapist may be a more damaged person than you have any idea of. Getting romantically involved with her will probably not lead to anything that you're going to be too happy with. But you may need to try it out to learn that.

It's good that you're moving on to a new therapist. I have a feeling you may have exhausted anything positive that was going to come out of seeing the T you've been seeing. Three years is a long time.

A friend of mine related to me about having had a similar type of experience, where her relationship with a male therapist evolved into a short romance. She still sees the whole thing through rose-colored glasses and feels it was a positive experience. I can see where she has very serious issues that were never dealt with. Like you, she took a lot of responsibility for the breeching of boundaries. I think that's what therapy clients tend to do. And that's because therapists let them do so to assuage their own guilt. My friend does not see how detrimental this situation probably was for her. But I see that she went on to tolerate emotional and sexual abuse from relationships she got into afterwards. What I see is that my friend is vulnerable to being exploited and abused. And that's what I feel happened when her therapy relationship went personal.

I'm kind of meandering around here, but my main point is this: What your therapist has allowed to happen amounts to her perpetrating emotional abuse on you. That may seem to you to be a ridiculously harsh assessment on my part. It's not. You may feel pleased with the intimacy you shared with this person. Keep in mind that sexually abused children often start out feeling pleased with the special attention that they are getting from an adult who is using them.

I don't doubt that you are an attractive and dear person, but it is not just a spontaneous, random occurance that your T suddenly became so smitten with whatever it is that makes you special. There is something keeping her from connecting with those with whom it would be appropriate for her to have these feelings for. When there is a power imbalance, as there necessarily is between a T and a client, and the dominant party chooses intimacy with someone who is at a power disadvantage, rather than with a true peer, you have to ask why? Why does she find you so appealing? (Not saying you aren't a perfectly lovely person.) But why you? The reason is not a wholesome one. Ask yourself if you have any history of being vulnerable to exploitation. That's apt to be what's going on here.

I hope you can enter in to a healthy therapeutic relationship with your new T. What you think were three years of a great working relationship probably weren't. You may be lacking in some major insights into what happens to you in relationships where you over-trust.