BayBrony, I really like your post, it makes alot of sense to me and my life.

Eden, I am new to this forum but have been following your posts.
Please listen to everyone here and open up to your professional team about what you are describing to us. You are just not thinking clearly. I've been there, most of us have.
Please get the help you need in real life. There is a limit to what an online forum can provide.

Wishing you peace.