Yeah as far as the substances go, i don't know much about your situation, but if you're doing other drugs recreationally it may not be safe to take meds? That's another reason i haven't taken my meds yet, because i've already put my body through a lot with other drugs and I never can be sure if i'll relapse. I don't plan on it, but we gotta take it a day a time and i don't want to screw myself up if i say F it one day and start getting high. I think i'm going to see how i am without meds while i'm sober, focusing on exercise, diet, therapy, and other healthy habits.

On another note I don't like the sound of depakote making people lethargic and gain weight. Most of the time i have high energy for working out and any sort of exercise, i wouldn't want that to be stunted. It's a pretty central part of my life, i feel i need that to be 'Okay' with myself. Oh and as far as stims go, that would definitely make sense, I was diagnosed with ADD before BP and every medication gave me horrible anger quickly followed by crushing depression. Almost 2 years ago i was on Vyvanse and i'd have rage fits over the smallest thing that would keep me upset for hours. I scared myself with how much i'd lose control. I would have racing thoughts of everything that pissed me off and ramble on about all those things that made me mad at people and the world. For example i could be mad about having a bad workout and then find myself ranting about politics 5 minutes later followed by another random subject. I remember one time i didn't lift as much as i planned on, so i elbowed the squat rack as hard as i could(i don't recommend this...lol..) and then smashed my phone. My buddy was just like whaaat???? Soo embarrassing, i acted insane on those things i'm glad i'm off them. It's a shame because i did great in school while on them, they also made me more productive in everyday life.

Anyway thanks for replying, i really appreciate it. I always enjoy reading What other people have to say. If you or anyone gets the chance could you explain in your experience the difference between BP and BPD, they seem to overlap a lot, i heard BPD is very situational while BP is energy levels, but those seem like they could influence each other. One thing i do a lot is brush off things said in the moment most of the time like a friend messing with me about something, but then anywhere from hours to years later think about it and get angry or down. Only when i'm not with them too, usually when i'm by myself overthinking everything.