wow what a hard thing to go through. lets break this down to one step at a time...

suicidal and self harm...if you are in active suicide/self harm mode you will need to contact a treatment provider. this site usually doesnt allow members to deal with other members suicide/self harm. only you can prevent this and only a treatment provider in your location can really help you with this. all we can do here is tell you whether we have had the same problems and what we and our treatment providers did to help ourselves. when my alters were so out of control like you posted my treatment providers had me go inpatient until the inpatient treatment providers could get things back under control and they released me when they felt I was no longer a danger to myself and others through the actions of my alters.

the weed....I was on the other end of this. due to being DID I was unable to smoke weed and unable to be in the room with others when they smoked weed. it caused me a lot of problems medically and mentally due to being DID. but I can tell you withdrawing from it as a dissociative did cause me great amount of mental problems associated with my DID and other problem areas, which is typical when ever a person stops taking any drugs and alcohol (medicinal or not) withdrawal side effects is just standard. I had great treatment providers who helped with medications and other treatment options that made the withdrawing from the weed so much easier after I had tried it and was in the room while friends smoked it.

my suggestion here is to get back in touch with your treatment provider, find out if they will take you on as a client again or suggest another treatment provider that can help with your withdrawal from weed problems.

saying goodbye to your neighbor\friend that died of cancer...one good thing about having DID is that whether we know it or not there is always someone inside who deals with things we can not handle. thats what DID is. its a mental disorder where a very young child (my locations demographics\statistics state under the age of 5) brain has created alternate personalities to deal with anything the young child can not handle. these alters created before the age of 5 are there for that DID persons whole life time until they have been integrated back together to form one whole person again. death is a normal part of life that even very young children go through because of knowing a relative or friend or a pet or even dealing with the topic because its part of movies, tv shows, books,...

my point is that somewhere inside a person with DID there is usually an alter that deals with this kind of thing.

my suggestion is to just breath and relax and if it turns out that you have DID you can rest assured that when the time comes which ever alter who's job it is to deal with death issues will do so. just the nature of the disorder.

and a last suggestion ....if you havent already done so maybe go through the actual diagnostic evaluations. once you get the actual diagnosis that opens the door for more treatment options that may help you with all this that you have posted.