Hello, I haven't been in here in a long time. I have been having so many screwed up emotions not even funny. Not sure where to start. Well, I have been becoming more depressed and negative again because of my situation. I no longer have a therapist anymore (therapist #3) after finding out she moved on to another dept no one gave me a heads up about her decision and I didn't see her much since I was having insurance issues. So, I feel very lost.

Therapist #2 is at private practice I know where she's at, I don't have the money at all to pay for those high fees. So, now I would need to search for therapist number 4! Some of them can't be stable hate having to restart my therapy all over again. If I had real insurance I'd go back to number 2 and continue where we left off.

Since I have no professional helping me not sure what to do all of these issues are so deep rooted that I need a professional to help me with them. I don't want to do an intake and then having to wait for a long time for an available therapist (state insurance) as I am doing other things that is important too. I have not finished therapy, there's other things that needs to be addressed that I never get to talk to a therapist about.

One of my issues is work. I hate going there not because of the people/company, it's the damn duties that I have to do nothing hasn't changed just repetitive and babysitting adult students for part time taking abuse that I shouldn't have to take! I have been there for 2 years dead end job with no advancements and been even more depressed/negative as I am still not moving ahead in my career. It's dreadful going there daily, my coworker said it best "you're working yourself to death." Finding a 2nd job will not be easy for me at all. I just want to walk away from the job, but I can't as I have to pay for my stuff. I am doing training with the techs at work, boss told me I could get more training learning media, plus I am doing my own training and training through the district office do I need anything else?!? Almost 2 years of job searching and still nothing....

Another issue is relationships. I have been attending an event on relationships lots of **** I didn't know and crap I certainly didn't see nor was taught in my life it's like playing catch up. I have been evaluating myself, past relationships/friendships, and especially my previous relationship of 10 yrs with my ex. This is issue is still a problem of being vulnerable, trust, communication, and negotiation plus boundaries.

It's interesting how everybody else has things going on for them yet still nothing going on for me. Same bs then the surge of jealousy came up so bad just wanted to pound the wall.

So yea, just a wide range of emotions again. I have been wanting/feeling like exploding emotionally no solutions just well keep it up blah blah. I want a damn resolution why is that so hard? I am sinking back into depression again seems nobody gets how serious this is. My 2nd therapist said you're strong, where is the strong-ness coming from? I am not seeing it the world should have flipped for me if that was the case.

I just need to vent, I don't know how to work on these emotions on my own - still stuck.