I have questioned my own diagnosis and symptoms to the point that my therapist questioned whether I might be delusional as I was so obviously in a very bad place and insisting that I wasn't that badly off and I was making it all up. It took 2 hours of him going through my symptoms and what I did and didn't have to start to believe him. Until then I had (in this episode) convinced myself that I could hide my symptoms from my doctors. I've known both of them so long that they can read me very well and I don't have to tell them I'm symptomatic. But that can be so hard. I think though, at least for me, it is a way of blaming myself and beating up on myself.

Don't give up on meds yet. You haven't been on that many and honestly you've had some weird meds (ie Prozac is quite stimulating; I call it the drug from hell). Stelazine is an unusual option before trying more AAPs.And there are lots of AAPs that might help, some without even too many side effects.

It sounds like your mind is in overdrive trying to figure things out and honestly I have never managed to handle that kind of thing without treatment because it spirals out of control.

Keep writing if it helps. I know I usually need to talk when I feel that way.