I was definitely humbled since I was diagnosed with Asperger's. I don't know how or why that I developed an over-inflated sense of self importance growing up. Not the narcissistic kind, but the kind where you don't understand anything or really know yourself and where you fit in socially so you make your own assumptions based on your skills versus other kids/teens/adults in your age range. I've always had natural musical and artistic inclinations as well as several other skills most kids/adults don't, therefore, I came to think that I was smarter than most people...which was the farthest thing from the truth!

Now that I've been analyzing my life for the last three years, I've realized that it's all been a huge lie (my sense of self-worth, that is.) and I had no idea what was really going on. All of those confusing encounters and failed relationships weren't the result of everyone else just being stupid or jealous of my abilities...it was the result of me being socially inept, having unrealistic expectations, and a misunderstanding of how the social/human world worked.

For example, all of my failed relationships came from unrealistic belief systems that I had about how friendships and dating was supposed to work. I had a mother and father, but they never interacted with me or taught me anything about relationships, marriage or what. (My mother was bipolar, always angry and beat me constantly because she refused to believe I had Aspergers as my pediatrician suggested. So, I avoided her like the plague. I hardly saw my father, and avoided him also out of disinterest because his attention was always directed at my brothers.) Therefore, I grew up expecting relationships to go how I thought it should go based on the very few and limited sources of interactions that I did notice. I honestly didn't know any better.

For example, if a man asked me out on a date, and I agreed to go, I would assume that he's doing so because he's honestly interested in me and finds me attractive. The interest he shows me tells me he is happy to be with me; therefore his actions should be proof of that. Well, because I was an Aspie and didn't know how to ascertain his true intentions, I would assume that he had honest ones. When I found out otherwise, I would be so upset that I would get into a fight with him and chastise him on how he's supposed to treat me. You can imagine how that usually went. Afterwards, I'd sulk for months wondering why he wanted to be in a relationship with me or advertise interest and then do exactly the opposite; leave, cheat on me, or use me. I would also be incredibly angry because I would think that I had all of these talents and it made no sense why his interest waned! Why would he leave someone who could play piano, sing and draw? I had such a ridiculously distorted view of reality!

So now....I look back and see that I wasn't anything special and it's quite humbling to learn where you really fit on the importance scale. Because of my disabilities and lack of proper parental guidance, I should have kept my head down, mouth shut and stayed hidden under the stairs or something....not given a false sense of worth by ignorant parents who thought that me playing Mary Had a Little Lamb without music meant I was a genius!

But, that's life and that's how it turned out and now, I know better and am MUCH humbler. Not to mention, I got pretty fat and ugly after I retired from the USAF. Obesity is a huge humbling mechanism....no pun intended.