I work in an area which requires a high degree of technical expertise. People tend to spend their entire career in this area, and training can take 18 months. For this reason, this department attracts competitive personalities, and people focus more on craft than on tact, diplomacy or respect.

When I came to the department, people commonly exhibited open hostility and behaved in condescending ways. I don’t recall having many emotional concerns before I came to this particular department, but I have since developed them.

My manager recently put me in charge of this department, a role that I have filled before. The last time I regularly handled this assignment, I had an argument with a person because I believe that they were being negligent, I said so, and they went to my boss and a district administrator and made false accusations about how I handled that situation.

There are a lot of things to do, many things to remember and watch, and on any given day 10-15 people per hour to assign tasks. We just lost 3 lead people (the position they are having me do), 2 who left the department, and 1 who stepped down reporting tension and stress as the reason.

I was in charge 2 days, and on each day I had an argument. The first one was with a superior who was being critical of my performance, and the second was with a subordinate who has a habit of interrupting to ask questions that she should be able to find the answer to herself. Just for the sake of clarity, in all of the arguments I describe, I raised my voice and took exception to their behavior but did not use name calling or profanity. These were simply heated arguments. I can be accused of being emotional, rude and possibly hurtful. The second day I told my boss that I didn’t want to be in charge anymore.

Over the years I have developed a low threshold for criticism. The lack of respect that I mentioned earlier comes from predictable people. One person is extremely powerful and intelligent. He is condescending and demanding. Another person is extremely intelligent. He is very critical of other people and often marvels at how stupid and incompetent people are. A third person is experienced and about a decade ago was in charge of the entire department. His rule was marked by heavy turnover of employees due to low morale because of outright slander and ridicule.

I have taken anger management courses. I have tried strategies of taking a break or counting to ten. Many times it works. As you can see, sometimes it doesn’t, and I end up getting upset and attacking people for what I believe to this day are valid grievances.

I’m honestly having a hard time figuring out if this is a problem of mine or if I am a product of a toxic environment.

I could stay and try to control my anger or change my delivery or expression. It’s high pressure. I find myself being unfriendly and antisocial, but not to everyone. I reserve those sentiments for people who deserve it.

My manager meets with Mr. Intelligent and Mr. Experienced fairly regularly. I find myself caught up in the work that needs to be done, and I meet with him quite a bit less often.

I suppose I could leave. There is plenty of opportunity elsewhere and it would be very easy to find a similar job with equal complexity, purpose and equal pay.

I would love to hear any strategies, advice or insights~ Thank you