It is a toxic environment - a lot of work places are - bullying goes on where I work and outright favouritism -

First decide if you want this job - I want mine - I love the work and the workplace not some of the staff

Second - this is something that I heard that is very true
you cannot change how others react to you but you can change how you react to them

Raising your voice only escalates the problem - I used to get the angry customers and phone calls and now the aggressive clients because I remain calm
(as an aside the other person looks really silly raising their voice when you are remaining calm ;-) ) oh and when I got PTSD all that went out the window and I had to re-learn those skills - I am still occasionally a time bomb but I keep trying to calm

Is the criticism valid? sometimes someone has said something and I have got angry and then I go away think about what they have said and thought...hmm.. maybe I can change that .... sometimes they are just wrong lol

are you inviting them to be part of the solution - state the problem - get their input - mirror them - ask for their agreement - ask them how to fix it

example:

wheni worked in a bank call centre as a team leader - the reps got points if a customer would let a brochure be sent out to them - there were prizes at the end of the promotion - one person consistently over achieved - so I monitored their calls - they weren't asking if they could send the forms they were just sending them

So I called them in for a chat - there was water there in case they wanted it - I said you have been doing really well getting agreement to send out brochures - broad smile from the person
so as we are allowed to for training purposes I monitored your calls to see what techniques you were using that we could then tell others to use (sheepish look from person)
however I didn't hear you ask for permision to send out the brochures - and you sent them anyway
Why do you think that is a problem?

ok long vconversation but they provided the solution for me - they would only send things if the person agreed -

I have had people getting defensive - I generally ask them why ? open ended question are always good -

A lot of the time its about communication styles

Once you raise your voice and bite back- really I consider it lost -a shouting match gets you nowhere and just makes more angst remaining calm is the thing to do

Meditation - writing down I will be calm today morning and night 10 times -
take a deep breath - say you need to think on what they have said and end the conversation

maybe you need to involve a higher up Manager if you are getting nowhere with the person - just as a sit in and to help maintain reason - if they are reasonable (and as a witness)

Thnk about how you deliver the news - are you being attacking in the first place? can it be felt as being attacked - sometimes its just the words used that cause the problem - for instance never ever tell a person to "calm down" its like a red rag to a bull

A visitor was shouting at a nurse I was working with and he asked me to intervene - which I did as soon as I heard it - I asked the person why they were angry - let them vent - then explained the Nurses point of view and legal requirement - then offered a compromise

I say to myself I will not rise to the bait - and mostly I don't

have to go break over - good luck and PM me if I can help

oh something that I didn't think would help but did was hypnotherapy from the Internet - you have to find the right voice and the right file - I found mine - helped me a lot - listened every night before bed and I think it is working - even managed to smile at my boss rather than look at her and wish she would ...emm....... go home ;-)