People reading this might be surprised to hear that I am almost 70 years old and my "family" are just my four children, their partners and my 5 grandchildren. I have always been a bit short of family as my Dad abandoned us when I was two and my two younger brothers are now dead. My mother killed herself when I was 18 years old.

This might make you think I'd stick closer to my children and their families, but mostly my relationship with them has been very difficult in all different ways, with not many of them positive. I do blame myself and wonder if I have a personality disorder or something for them to be the way they are with me. Maybe I expect/wish for more than I should but I rarely ask them for anything. So many hurtful times over the years when friends have had to step in to help with things which my family should have done when I have been in hospital.

I have been on my own since my second divorce in 1990 and my youngest child moved out in 2000. What hurts is seeing the contact and caring that is offered to their parents-in-law, but I get virtually nothing. The last 3 years I have not been invited to spend Christmas with them, even after I told them I had gone to a charity Christmas dinner for down and outs in the community hall one year. This year I settled for inviting two very elderly people to my house for the dinner even though I had just had an operation on my hand.

I know I am likely to get my medical problems as I age and I also know I can't rely on help from my children at all other than the occasional phone call. I have been told I have cataracts coming in both eyes and possible macular degeneration in one. I suppose it makes it worse because I live in sheltered housing with other elderly people round me and I see and compare the support they get from their families.

I don't think my children are interested in or care about me at all, in any way, and I feel I have tried so hard for so long. My son and his wife have just visited for the weekend and spent the majority of the time sitting together on the settee playing games on their phones and mumbling to each other. They might as well have stayed at home and done that!

Naturally I have thought over the years about my part in all this and one thing is I am finding aging hard to accept because I never had the experience of seeing my own parents age. The other thing is that as an adult I never had a parent, so I don't think I'm sure how to parent adult children or what to expect from them. And thirdly, because of my background I do find it extremely hard to ask for help, but I have been working on this to no avail.

Anyway, I have reached the end as far as they am concerned. If I tell them "no contact" at least I won't get so upset when I expect/hope for some and it isn't forthcoming. I am not well off but I would much rather pay for any help I need in the future than rely upon my family. It's only using money they would have had eventually and they are all better off them than me anyway.

In one way it seems hard to do this but I really know I am losing nothing because sooner or later I had to give up hope of anything changing, and trying to make it change and now I have. In fact they might be pleased to get me completely out of their life. I have at various times told them how much they are hurting me and that has achieved nothing.

I am finding it difficult in one way to write and tell them but in another way I know it will be like a weight lifted off me. I am not going to make it a long letter full of anger, accusations and recriminations, which would be pointless. The past cannot be changed. I am just going to explain how "no contact works" and say goodbye. In future I am going to say I have no "Next of Kin" when asked and if there's any money left I'll leave it to charity. In fact they may not even know when I die as I definitely don't want any hypocritical sad funeral service. I am opting for a "direct cremation" which costs very little and the undertakers collect the body and take it to a crematorium at a time to suit them.

The final thing after writing all this is - has anyone on here done anything similar in the past? I would love to know how it went. Thanks for reading this long post folks!