so, today is a decent day. I've been fairly productive and not too anxious. But, I really struggle , at times with the SI , guilt because my son is also a depressed alcoholic and I blame myself, the thoughts of self harm and just the general idea that my life is of very little value. In theory, how is this illness any different from any other illness where there are good days and there are bad days? Yet, if I am having a bad day; I lie and say i'm fine or even "doing good if someone asks me. Why is it so hard to be honest? When is the stigma and misunderstanding of this illness going to dissipate? The other thing I sometimes ponder is the difference between suicide and a cancer patient choosing to terminate treatment. I hope that doesn't sounds as bad as it sounds, but if I choose to give in to the demons that torment me and stop the pain. How is it different? I'm so tired of the guilt , shame, anxiety that rob me of myself. I'm sleeping too much, and showering only twice a week. I wish I could sleep for at least 6 months and just escape for a while.