There are other ways you can attain those things though, without developing a serious mental illness that'll take away everything you love from your life. Trust me, it is hell. I am sitting here on the verge of having a breakdown because the weight I lost is not good enough and I feel fat and I can't even drink a glass of water. Any attention and help I receive that I might appreciate is still not worth the pain of this.

I'm glad you recognise that's it's an unhealthy thought though, unfortunately a lot of people out there wouldn't. It sounds to me like you already have an awful lot going on. Maybe it's worth talking about the roots behind these feelings? What is making you feel like you need to be strong, or want to be helped?