Like I said in my first post, my extreme mood swings have been a part of my life since I was a child - when I was asked what life used to be like before I developed bipolar disorder, I realised that I had never felt any other way. That's what I have always been like, and I have suffered a lot because of it. My teenage years were horrible, I was either up or I was down and I alienated everyone around me because of it. I accepted that because I thought it was my fault for being unable to handle life, and that everyone else was simply better at it than I was. I thought that how I felt was normal, whereas how I behaved wasn't.

But none of that was right, and once I saw a psychiatrist at the age of 23, and I was completely honest with them, life got better. I finally saw my mood swings for what they were: abnormal, and not my fault. I'm not saying life has been great for the past four years, but it's certainly been less volatile, mood-wise. And I finally have an idea of what it means to be "content", even if I still haven't experienced it.

I've always been bipolar, but that doesn't make bipolar disorder "okay" or "normal".

So again, just because something has been a part of you for as long as you can remember it doesn't mean that it's supposed to be like that. Your life is not supposed to be this way, eden. It really isn't. I strongly encourage you tell your doctors the whole truth about your situation, not just the basics, because the details are important.

I do apologise if I have come across as disrespectful in any way. I can get carried away sometimes, but it comes from a place of concern and a wish to help. I feel very powerless when I know that someone so far away from me is suffering and there is very little I can do about it, and that really gets to me.

In no way do I wish to diagnose you or imply that I know what you need. All I am saying is that you need more help than you are currently getting, and you won't get it until you are willing to fully open up to the people who are there to help you.