As a lot of you know I am an occupational therapist although I am disabled and haven't worked in 4 years. To be an OT you have a national board certification that you get by passing a board exam and then state licensure which requires that you have the national board certification.

Last year I had to put my national boards on retirement status. My state license has been in escrow for a few years and can not be renewed in escrow again. I either have to get continuing education credits to restore it or I have to let it go. I thought this happened next year. Today I had an email indicating I might be wrong. A simple email to the boards for my state will answer the question but it brought up so much.

Putting my certification in retirement last year made me go from "cycling and not doing well" to "this is really bad and I am out of control completely". For that reason alone I have been planning to probably renew my license once more, even though it is somewhat foolish. But if it is due this year I don't have much time. And even if it isn't that brought up the emotions that just show that I am not going to handle this well and terror that it could trigger a repeat of the last year plus.

Clozaril is helping. I do not want to test it out that much yet though.

I know keeping my license is frivolous and silly and I'm not quite ready to be done with it yet. So ridiculous. So huge.