Thanks you guys... yeah, I'm better now, I tend to swing like that somedays...

Its great knowing there's some place where I can release... and somebody there to listen too.

EDIT:

One of the things bothering me in the day is how I've treated people i nthe past... one time I guess I was sweet and kind, not like I'm that now, but I was carefree... it was this time that a group of friends (so called) threw me to the ground, started calling me ***** and *****, etc., leaving me in the dirt and I... believed them. I was 14, and I believed the whole thing...

I know its... silly... but I tried changing my ways and now I guess I'm... lost... I lost myself a long time ago, and hid her away, but she wont come out now.

I've regretted so many times on how, in turn, I treated them... I can be... blunt... and I try to keep it in check, but I sometimes hurt people so now I hold my reactions back a lot and consider that getting what I deserved for how I treated them...

And since then... I've tried looking for friends I could trust... that lasted til I was 17, until then I spent every day as a loner. I have my hroup now but I'm overkind to them, I'm afraid of them leaving me or me hurting the,/... I hate hurting people...

And it bugs me... who was right and wrong in that....? Am I really that bad? My mum can be pretty mean, I hope to god I'm not like her...