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Apr 05, 2016, 02:26 AM
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Member Since: Nov 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 27,963
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((((((((((((Base)))))))))))))))
I am so sorry you are going through so much pain 
You would not be alone in some things you mentioned.
I battle to feel worthy of being loved (and go so far as to question whether my kids love me on some days when my thoughts get that bad ... which of course they do). Being aware of these negative thoughts is the first step. I sometimes find when these negative thoughts enter my mind ... the more I wish them away the worst they become. I rather acknowledge they are there, will pop in my head from time to time and don't try force them away in the moment otherwise it just prolongs their stay.
I think that by being aware of your behaviours which may not be helpful to you in the long run, but have been developed because of extreme circumstances you have had to endure could be the starting point for the platform for change. As hard as it is, my personal opinion is, you need to discuss this with your T. You have a great deal of insight into what is going on right now. Your T can help you with slowly beginning to implement alternative strategies that might not be as harmful to your mental health.
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