Can I confess I feel similarly, OP? I often find myself wishing I had the discipline and body-disconnect, or at least the self-control, to starve myself, hate food and be nicely underweight, instead of being 30-40 lbs too heavy, addicted to food and sugar, and seemingly unable to stop compulsively eating.

I'm going to get flamed to hell for saying it almost seems more....refined, to struggle with eating too little than too much. Blah blah romanticizing mental illness blah blah I know. Intellectually I realize an ED is a horrible thing (kinda like how some portray depression as this beautiful, haunting sadness....when really it's more like being a messed up, numbed out wreck with a hamster wheel turning in your head), but...I can't help thinking this way.