yeah it says high level cognitive organization problem and high level attention concern...
that was on bushcke selective reminding test...

it just seems like i have sectioned off large pieces of my mind... and its affecting me cognitively...

its just seems like dissociation but i cant really understand it because i have always felt like this... just thought it was normal feeling...
but i have never talked to a doctor about it yet... and cant just self diagnose...

i just always feel like im dreaming, disconnected... detached... a spectator of my own life... i want to change things and get better bbut my body does other things...
or some part of me... i dunno...
its just a scary thing not remembering things and forgetting like everything...

i think i read somewhere that some patients with dissociative disorders dont recognize it..? like me just always feeling this way; thinking its how everyone see's the world?

i just want to gain as much insight as i can... i wanna take control and make a good life for myself somewhere i can be healthy and try to be happy...
but my mind is an evil bastard... or my body is... i dunno...



im falling apart

and these specific symptoms seem to be interfering with how i relay what i feel ... and what not... my demeanor changes and its hard to see anything wrong with me on the outside... because i always hide everything so much its not easy to bring things up and talk about things... because its just my subconscious reaction.. to withdraw and say i am fine... or undermine the symptoms severity... or things like that...
because i honestly am not sure how i feel anymore... i just feel crazy...
i just disconnect and i feel like i just dunno... i always try.. but i never explain it the right way because i lose control...

edit:
and i keep getting these "popping" sensations.. not a sound.. but it just feels like im falling out of my body but it pops right back in place... like im going to faint or something... and then im awakened with a jolt through my whole body..