I'm not familiar with music, but it sounds that you are doing very well to me, and you have confidence in what you're doing, especially when it comes to your specialization. Also, your revision of that jazz combo tells me that you care about your work.

About TA position, do you still have the opportunity to do any? I didn't do any TA during my PhD. Strangely, enough, I was talking to another PhD holder today, and he told me I need teaching experience to teach in a university!! So, I guess we are in the same boat. But if you aren't defending your dissertation soon (I assume there is a dissertation in music, right?), try to get a TA for one or two semesters, it's better than nothing, I guess.

Also, I don't think you have any issues talking to others. You said may be you're polite, but you aren't sure if you are patient, yet you answered all my questions politely. Another person would have stopped along time ago. The only thing I noticed is that you are interested in music, and probably interested consciously in making friends who play music as well. Why not to speak about the things you're confident in? You're different, and maybe that is the beauty of it. You can share your experiences. Do you think your choice about jazz is challenging for you as a female? I'm not sure how music works, but does it have to be either this genre or that you play or know all the time?

Also, has anything changed since you opened the thread (which has been running for a while now)? Making some actions are important.