Quote:
Originally Posted by Ascella
I feel like I explained this extremely poorly and now I'm feeling nauseous from the responses I have gotten. It's not an actual voice that I hear. It's not something I sense externally. It's a voice I hear internally, like when you are thinking or reading something. And it does not sound different than my own, necessarily, it just seems like it is coming from a different place.
I don't think this is psychosis. I don't have any symptoms for any psychotic disorder except for 'hearing' a 'voice' which I don't even really do, it's more like a separate part of myself is communicating with me internally. I have more symptoms for OSDD-1b as far as I can tell, as I have a distinct dissociate part that can take executive control of the body without amnesia. I experienced abuse before I was 5, and I have always had [clinically recognized] problems with dissociation. I have done things in the past that have not matched up with my personality/morals, things that seemed to have been done via the will of someone else.
IF ANYTHING, I believe this could be a case of imitative DID rooting from my professionally diagnosed BPD. But I get a strong feeling this is not psychosis, it just doesn't make sense to me that way.
|
Hello. Dont worry about some of the comments being made here. What you think is going on is more important than what anyone else (who only knows part of what you experience) might think. Unfortunately some people wear their diagnoses like a red badge of courage. Plus, they dont like to share. That being said, if this situation isn't causing you great distress then just go with the flow.
Also, your writing is much too cohesive and linear to be that of someone who is psychotic.
On the other hand, the notion that your 'alter' needs and deserves a life of his own is in my opinion, misguided. The idea that alters should all get out and do their own thing as if they are real people is a problem. This is soemthing I have trouble with in a lot of the posts on this dissociation subforum: the idea that encouraging each 'alter' to be out and express himself/herself as if it was in fact a real person is not in my opinion, healthy.
If I were you I'd look at your 'alter and what he seems to eb telling you about his interest etc and consider these things your own. meant to be part of who you are as a whole real live human being. Expand yourself and your experiences etc etc to grow up and into a man who incorporates the best of your 'alter' and the best of what you know of yourself. Alters are not meant to live life themselves. Alters are defense mechanisms that one recognized should end up becoming part of one whole self identifying self aware person you ahve the potential to be.
Take care.