I don’t come on here too much. I usually am a bit of a ghost and I look around without logging in. I feel like I need to be heard right now though so I figured I’d try to post something here.

My therapist didn’t show to my appointment. She’s been late before, so I waited for an hour and then I gave up. I usually don’t let things like this get to me but I don’t know. She’s been a few minutes late, a half hour late, and once an hour late because there was a miscommunication with the time. And that was fine. But I haven’t heard from her at all.

It might have been different if I had at least heard from her, or if I wasn’t struggling as much. I had already wanted to push her away and then I wrote some things down for her that were hard for me to show her and I think that might have made it worse. Because I did that and she didn’t show.

There are a lot of possibilities as to why she didn’t show. Maybe she didn’t write the session down or was double booked or maybe there was some kind of emergency. But I don’t want to think like that because I do have a fear that something will happen to her and I won’t have her anymore. I’ve been seeing her for a few years and due to circumstances, she’s the safest person I have to talk to.

I know it has nothing to do with me and I’m trying not to be upset about it but it’s hard. I was thinking of emailing her if I don’t hear from her soon and asking to reschedule and seeing how that goes. If she knew we had a session and didn’t show I feel like she would have told me so I’m thinking maybe she forgot or something. But then again, because of why I see her, I see her often so I don’t know if she forgot.