I’ve had PTSD for close to two years now, and although I have increase anxiety and sadness, the worst way I feel pain is my extreme anger. I wasn’t perfect, but I never had anger issues until this happened. My bf and I live together and he has been with me since years before the event that caused my trauma. He is amazingly kind and loving, my number one supporter. I love him with all my heart and I hate the person I’ve become because I constantly focus my anger on him. I don’t say mean or critical things or insult him, I’ve never (and would never) engage in physical violence, or even punching walls or breaking things, but how it does come out is through my tone and volume, body language and just general vibe I give off. Like, I’ll feel crappy when lots of little annoyances and stresses build up, because my baseline is now defaulted to angry not just neutral like before the trauma, like under my skin is just this festering lava. I’m never mad, or that mad, for the reason I think I am. I’d be annoyed normally if my bf forgot to scoop the cat box, again, and my cat peed under my desk (which is how my cat takes his anger out on us), but I get really mad, usually coming out as passive-aggressive. Since I am angry in a way that is not anything like “normal” anger (I’ve been told PTSD anger comes from a different, much deeper place), and this is my default, anything that would make me annoyed or upset in normal circumstances just elevates it to a crazy level. I try and try to keep it under control but it’s like by the time I realize how much of an asshole I’m being, it’s too late and I’ve already hurt/upset him. A lot of times when I’m angry about something unrelated to him (which is most often the case) and I know I will probably snap, I try to get away from him and say, “Look, I’m really angry right now, I need to just go deal with it”,”… no, I don’t want to talk about it…” “…no it’s not related to you, you didn’t do anything wrong…” (as I’m getting more pissed off), then “Oh my god! I literally JUST said it’s not related to you! It’s not your fault!” and I realize I’m shouting. Oops, crap. I might as well have just said, “I HATE YOU GET LOST EVERYTHING IS YOUR FAULT!” I seldom regret what I say, but I often regret the way I said it, because under calmer terms, the same phrases wouldn't be a problem. The “take a deep breath and count to ten” thing works when I’m irritated at how long the checkout line is, or how Mr. Oldman is driving 10 miles under the speed limit with his blinker on for 3 miles, but it’s got its limit. Like, I put on this happy face and keep it together all day long, and it’s so exhausting, when I get home, to the person I am most comfortable with and trusting of with my true feelings, I drop that face next to my coat and purse. I hate myself for being the most awful to the person I love most. I act like a damn 5 year old. I want to get better for all kinds of reasons, but the fact that I feel like I’ve robbed myself of my ability to be an adult and a good partner by letting my trauma affect me this much makes me feel like a complete monster. I am getting help, as I’ve just had my first session with a new therapist (and believe me I did tell her about all of this crap), but it won’t get better over night, so I’m looking for short term solutions. Since I know that anger is really common in PTSD and maybe others on this site suffer as well, I wondered if anyone would care to share how they manage it?