I am here but am really struggling these days it seems like.

Tomorrow is the last day I'm able to see Steve's boss because I am switching clinics. It is very hard to walk into OGC and know its not Steve I am there to see. I keep expecting to wake up and this all be a very bad dream. I am seeing a woman at the new clinic and for the most part the women I've seen don't know their head from their *** so I am very nervouse about seeing this new person. I wasn't asked if I wanted to see a woman or man I was just placed. How much do I reveal in the first meeting? Do I tell her my whole life story or just let it trickle out session by session. I have been very fortunate in the past few years that when I have had to see someone new all they had to do was look at my notes from the past person and know everything about me. Even the crisis people were able to do this. The pdoc I will be seeing knows a bit about me because he was the person that saw me when I was in the hospital. Will he tell her everything he knows or not?

I am having some really scary thoughts go through my head these days and its to the point I almost checked myself back into the hospital last weekend but I am going to school and don't want to miss any of that. Plus I am running for PBL President and I can't do that if I'm in the hospital. Why did all this have to happen to me? What did I do so wrong that my life had to turn out the way it did? Why me?!!!

Jbug