Hi there , Yes , I can relate to this ( unfortunately ). Its good that you're getting help with this. I've used several things in conjunction with talk therapy. I've had EMDR which helped a lot. Also mindfulness techniques, trauma release exercises ( TRE ) , binaural beat tones. Exercise is good , even just walking and getting out in nature. It does subside if you work on it all. I look back and see how angry and frustrated I was. I hope that helps , there's so many things that people do or like , I also took up adult colouring. I wish you well , you're not a monster , also there are resources for people dealing with trauma and their family / partners helping them with it and understanding it. The " Out of the fog " website is good.