I knew that I had different moods depending on the situation. I knew that I had steady conversation in my head about what to do and not do. I used to be comfortable with the saying " me, myself and I" but I never thought for one minute that I was different from everyone else. I thought everyone thought in the same way as me just to different degrees. It wasn't until I was in my late twenties that I started to notice starkly odd events like being able to see myself while doing something I wasn't supposed to be doing, seeing flat people, having endless conflicting conversations in my head. Like a group discussing an issue endlessly and I wasn't able to stop. I had some ocd issues that would come and go but were disruptive to my daily life and sense of self. I had occasionally looked into possible mental conditions that could account for my state but never found one that fit. And than a friend described me seeing myself as me having "dissociated". I had never heard the term before. I was in my thirties. I googled it and started reading. So much of me was in there it was both a relief and a concern. I did nothing at first. Time passed and I started having panic attacks with no apparent trigger. I sought out a friend. He was helpful and enabled me to reach out for help. I decided to seek out a psychologist who was familiar with DID. I didn't want to suggest it, I wanted to be diagnosed so I never mentioned my suspicion. Oddly enough at my first session she saw one of us and that caused a lot of anxiety for us. Even once I was diagnosed it took at least a year before I could fully grasp what that meant for us. And that that diagnosis was a beginning of getting help. I was in my forties by than. I am in my fifties now, I embrace the diagnosis because it makes me feel sane. And I am only now at a point where I think my system can start moving toward each other. Maybe be able to embrace each other and understand we all suffered, we all protected and we all survived. But more importantly that we are no longer in that danger. It doesn't exist in our life now just in the parts in our system.