I don't want to tell you about it because it sounds needy and wrong and it's dumb. Why can't I just forget about it. Why can't I just push it aside. It feels heavy. I feel sad. I think about 'if' and I feel sadder. It won't leave. The thoughts won't leave. I don't know how to tell you. I don't know how to talk about it again. There is too much inside. It's noisy and complicated and it was getting better and in some ways I guess it has but right now it doesn't feel like that is the case.

Help me.