I'm sorry, but I feel that you are being extremely presumptuous right now. I am not self diagnosing at all; if you see, I titled the topic ''I think I have an alter''. I would never say I did without a professional diagnosis. This is just what I believe might be the case given that I fit a lot of the criteria.

I have been professionally diagnosed with PTSD, social anxiety disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, major depressive disorder, BPD and ADHD so it doesn't feel unlikely that I could have another issue.

I did experience abuse before the age of 5, and I believe that the existence of this alter could make sense given my history. His purpose makes sense to me because I always wanted someone to be there to protect me from the abuse I endured since I was always too young and small to protect myself. I also always idolized animals and had an imaginary friend that was an animal [not a real one, it was an animal I made up] that I would ask to protect me at night.

Additionally, throughout my life, before I recognized this entity as something separate from myself, I have suddenly gone through fits of rage and unbridled anger without much provocation. After those fits ended, I would always be extremely confused. I couldn't identify with the actions I had taken. It felt like someone else did it. I have always felt this way, long before last year.

I also didn't mean to say that I only speak to this 'alter' at night. There are many other times I'm able to speak to him during the day, or times where he 'fronts' during the day. I just meant that he most often out at night, which I have been told is not unheard of. That is, I've read that there are many alters from DID/OSDD systems that tend to be active during specific lengths of time, or during a certain part of the day. And I think the existence of a 'nocturnal' alter would make sense for me, specifically, since I experienced a lot of abuse at night, and therefore would be desperate for protection whenever night fell. Even when there wasn't an immediate threat that particular night, I was conditioned to fear the night, and I'd always fall asleep wishing for a protector at the foot of my bed, or requesting my imaginary friend to protect me while I slept.

Also, you assume that the majority of my life is lived during the day. This is untrue, as I work night shifts. So it does heavily affect my life, because my life is lived almost exclusively during the night while I sleep during the day. It would affect me far less if he came out during the day and not the night. Because he fronts/switches/whatever at night, it means that he fronts while I am at work, sometimes in the middle of medical procedures. I also don't know if sleep deprived hallucinations is accurate because he has had dreams before. As in, he exists even when I am sleeping. That might not mean anything, though; I am unfamiliar with how sleep deprived hallucinations work.

I also don't think this alter suddenly appeared out of the blue. I understand that that is impossible. I believe he has always existed and that I just failed to recognize him as a separate entity up until recently, which I have also heard is common with DID/OSDD. I say this because I remember specific moments from my childhood where I acted in a way that was not consistent with my personality / morals / etc. Moments where I was highly aggressive and behaved in a way that could be perceived as being savage and inhuman. Things like tackling people on all fours and growling at them during the middle of class in elementary school, and pinning a friend down and screaming at him because he told me I was a human, not an animal.

I have always acted in a way that suggested there were two 'sides' of me, each one inconsistent with the other. And looking back, I feel that I may have had symptoms of DID/OSDD as far back as I can remember.

I'm not saying all of this to convince you I have this disorder, as, like you said, self diagnosis can be irresponsible at times, and I wouldn't know if I really have this specific disorder or not. Plus, it's not like this disorder is something I want. I'd be happy to hear from a professional that this is nothing but an overactive imagination. That'd be wonderful. But I don't think that that's the case. I posted here because I've been researching these disorders and related ones for a year now and I feel as though this might be what's going on.

Again, I am not being defensive because I want to be right. I'm being defensive and I guess a little argumentative because I believe that you are being overly dismissive. I feel a little disrespected by your statements above, especially since you didn't even ask for more information about me or my lifestyle, you just made presumptions. You assumed I don't work nights, assumed I am sleep deprived, that I haven't experienced abuse, haven't had anything resembling DID/OSDD symptoms prior to last year, etc... when instead of assuming, you could have asked and I would have told you everything I stated above. Instead you automatically decided to invalidate me and judge me for self diagnosing when that wasn't even what I was doing, I was just looking for help. And I don't think that is very fair.