Quote:
Originally Posted by My kids are cool
As long as I am moping and not working anyway, I would like to do an informal couch poll. What makes each of you respond to a person in real life or on the forum with concern and compassion and an attempt to help? Sometimes I am totally flummoxed by who gets a huge response and who gets no response at all.
So, is it the person who is searching for ways out of where they are? Struggling for answers and open to help? Looking for ways to open a closed door in their life, or searching for a window to open? Searching for light in what seems like total darkness?
The person who keeps bashing their head against the same closed door over and over, while insisting the door is actually open? The person who keeps bashing their head against the same closed door over and over, insisting they have no choice except to continue bashing? OR who just says they are not actually bashing their head at all even though to all appearances they are?
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I generally respond in real life to my friends no matter what - I don't really ask myself what their motives are. Unless directly asked, I don't usually offer ways to fix something. And if I get bored with it, I can sit and think of something else while they talk about whatever they want.
On forums, any of them, I usually respond to people I like (although sometimes I like a poster but simply have no idea what they are talking about OR I have no idea how to respond so I don't respond) or if I find the topic interesting. I have no dog in their fight. It doesn't matter whether I think they are bashing their head against the door, or if they think they have no choice or so on. I generally believe people are where they can be until they can be someplace else.
In terms of numbers of responses on forum posts (all over and on not just psych forums) - I think there can be a hooking in for many reasons, the topic can be interesting, posters can want to be right, posters can want to save someone, posters are over-identifying and so on. But - I am one of those who thinks attempts at helping can often be more harmful than just being left alone so that may color how I do it.