there's so much more I want to explain happened.. I was nasty to him and argued until I won (some thigs were about his stringent artifice and other was me just snapping at him). I know I beat him down that way. he was stringent but very caring and attentive, he was just super terrible about that. he just made it into a moralistic argument.

I've figured out that I wasn't the good person in the relationship. so I need to deal with my issues. but at the same time, I think he began to have interest in another person though but he couldn't admit it to himself... his best friend's widow (friend passed in January) . he's always held himself to a high standard and I think his feeling for the woman, him pushing me away, getting angry at me and hating who I was (personality, habits (the whole not being a perfectionist with things) ... it got all mixed up. He said that it wasn't true that he would never that he was there to take care of her and the baby bc he promised his friend.. but I just had a bad gut feeling . he said he'd be there for her . they started hanging out too much and right around that time he just became more distant . it was just weird. he denied it and said that he couldn't believe I would think he was that way. I believe he was in denial or didn't realize what he was doing. nonetheless, I just can't shake it... guess this is a learning experience :/