Well to be more accurate, a parent's or any other person's for that matter, love, is NEVER toxic. Love itself, by definition cannot be toxic because it is something that is about caring for another person, being unselfish and sacrificial. Need, codependency and dysfunctional behavior is far from any of those things. They are NOT acting in such a way that has you in mind but themselves. It is, from the looks of it, entirely need based and on their own selfish desire to have what they want. They have not asked you, I am guessing, if you would like to have them live nearby, they have not alluded to the idea of coming to be near you to give you security, or anything that has to do with caring for you and your SO. I am sure on some level of course, they love you, I don't mean to sound like I am saying they don't but my point is their behaviors in question have nothing to do with that.

Protecting a child so to speak, too much, goes against the principles of love too because if you do not allow the child to learn, grow, be independent, speak for themselves and respect them enough to be an individual you are thwarting their progress into adulthood. I am not judging because I, as a single father have noticed that I kind of over protect my two sons at home myself. But I am saying that I recognize this is not helping them into adulthood and they need to be given the reins to be responsible. I speak to this dynamic because it is oh so common in parenthood as I have seen. The fact that you are not able to speak up for yourself just shines a spotlight on this type of parenting.

To be completely honest, I am in my 40s. I was stuck in a lot of dependent cycles starting with my family then into my first and second marriages. I did not find my way (still learning too, mind you dont' get the impression I think I've arrived) til after my separation from my current wife, was forced into being a parent by myself and learning to do everything on my own. I did not find my voice, my independence and confidence til late in life. I honestly think, and I know this may not be possible, that you should remain in somewhat isolation from your parents for a good period of time to find your footing, and really find out who you are and be independent. Again I know that's not an easy thing to do, which is why I had to be forced into it, but for me, at least, it was one of the best things that ever could happen.

Stand strong, find your voice and try to resist their childish whining and I know you will do well going forward.