I recorded all my sessions with her knowledge. We both were so unaware of the taping that I still chuckle at some of the conversations that we had and actually made it on tape. I read somewhere that research shows people forget a recorder or camera is going after a few minutes, and does not effect the issue at hand.

Taping was a tremendous benefit for me, I disassociated a lot, and have a memory like a sieve. I understood and processed a lot more by taping. Also, they were a source of comfort when I felt I needed my therapist presence, even the ones where I was crying, screaming, and writhing in agony. I had humongous adrenaline rushes in flight or flight situations, recalling them in therapy, and when I listened to the tapes over and over again, eventually to either have adrenaline rushes just trickle or stop altogether, depending on the subject dealt with. We terminated 2 1/2 yrs ago, and still listened in times of extreme stress for about a year. In fact, I destroyed them soon after therapy, and retrieved a couple recordings through learning computer deleted recovery skills.

For me, this last therapy was a time to get honest with myself and with others. So, I could not and would not be duplicitous while I was trying to right myself. My therapy was about learning to trust. This is just where I was and am at in my life. I don't like dishonesty or sins of omission which I get from my teen a lot.

I would post them somewhere, because I truly believe they could be beneficial to others, but we use each other's name to much, and I have no idea how to edit them out. She told me several times they were mine to do what I wish. She just doesn't want me to get hurt.