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jrae · Apr 07, 2016, 09:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chyialee

Wow. What an incredibly thoughtless person!

Okay, here's a take: This person is mad at you bc SHE "has to work" and YOU don't -- and that's all that's filling her vision/sense right now. (how nice for her, right?)

BTDT, w/friends & family both, when I was put on disability at the ripe old age of 39. They were shocked, and said some seriously mean things out of just plain not understanding what-all was going on. Me, I'd have been delighted to continue working; loved my job, loved (for the most part) my staff, could deal well w/my director who was a v difficult man (patting self on back) and made very nice money indeed. POOF, all gone.

That, as you know, is tough enough to deal with, without the added slap of other ppl's completely unsupportive reactions.

We are already in enough of a tizz-spin emotionally & practically speaking, our lives have undergone serious upheaval, and imo it's disorienting. I'm so sorry this person is such an unsympathetic idiot. (sorry

). No wonder you're feeling assaulted.

How would you like to respond? I'd be tempted to say sthg like "Okay, I get it that you resent the fact that I am not working now. Let me be clear: I CANNOT work atm. I live where I do bc that's what's best for me right now. I am doing what I'm capable of for RIGHT NOW. So are you and one thing you are not capable of, clearly, is understanding and support of someone else's situation. See ya."

lol Yeah I'm a lil ticked, too.

Look, you know this person. If she's this cold about anything that's not relatable to where she is and what SHE is doing, surely there've been signs of it elsewhere? Is she ever empathetic?

J/W.

Plese take care of yourself. Explaining yourself over & over to ppl in your life who firmly refuse to get a clue, is exhausting. Don't let her wear you out, K?

Best,
Chyia, fuming arrgh

first paragraph, thanks cuz that actually makes sense to me.

second paragraph - I completely understand. (and i'll be 31 in two weeks) I wish I could do things like that, be an active part of this world and have a 'regular' life, doing the things that others usually do. but I doubt I ever will, sadly.

and you're right. people who don't understand what it's like, never will and can react pretty poorly because of that. I went thru the same ***. but to avoid some hurt and unkind reactions, I just don't tell most people about my MI disability. they won't be able to understand, I simply can't explain it in a way that will help them to understand, and it actually puts more pressure and stress on me trying to keep going thru that. that's why for most people I meet or are a minor part of my life, I just use a 'cover-story'. works best for both sides and its not like they even care that much - they are just nosey and this helps both us sleep better at night. ya know?!

I had the hardest time with my parents, as they thought I should be more like my other three siblings and doing the 'regular' things that they were. after years of trying, I just stopped talking to them about my MI cuz it was too exhausting. (me always having to defend myself and trying to explain, knowing they'd never be able to understand) and what made my family worse, is my one sister is a nurse. (if you don't get what that implies, basically its just my parents thought they had the 'inside' track on health info and what to do about things)

unfortunately, I've come across a lot of 'unsympathetic idiots'. I have an uncle who is one of those. and when you get blind-sided by their rants and reactions, it really makes you second guess people in this world. ('feeling assaulted' would be an understatement)

and thanks, that's a good response idea. I'm just not sure. I'm not good with these types of confrontation. the email I got from her was almost two months ago, and she hasn't said anything to me since then. what does that tell you?! (and she knows about my injuries and that I'm still having problems from them) granted, I haven't said anything either, but I'm not the one who flew off the handle and said things like that, or never bothered to check back afterwards, or even anything else.

its things like this that really show who people are, right? that's why if I have to say something to someone (verbal or written) that may come off as potentially not how I want it to sound, I usually run it by someone else first. that way I can ask- how does that sound, would they be offended if I said that, or what else should I say...

and so again,