^ How did you know I wanted to learn more about astronomy?

At the moment that's, like, the least threatening branch of science, from an existential point of view, and I've thought before if I ever went back to school for STEM and could improve my skills, I might want to do something pertaining to space - research or engineering, maybe. I used to want to major in MechE, but I'm too dumb for that.

I guess my problem is...I feel like I shouldn't be afraid of the incoming future. But I am. Even things besides replacement, just massive changes in how we live, I worry easily that I'll never be able to cope with it, that I'm going to be left behind, out in the cold, while everyone else pushes on ahead or loses any need for me altogether. It seems like such a stupid fear, but I find it growing to the point of almost technophobic anti-science. And I definitely don't want to be that - I'll never be a futurist either...

The thing about writing, is it's unlikely I could do it as a career. My main mode of support would need to be a day job. I also feel some cognitive dissonance regarding my preference for fantasy - there's something that feels dirty about living in a highly technological society where machines are better than us at everything, yet writing about magic and human life and triumph (and failure). Honestly, the first part of that sentence brought back some pain about my own feelings regarding life and living... we value the human narrative, but do we have any business doing so?

I need to stop now. But I have started drafting character profiles and plot stuff to actually write for real.