Hi MikeDlta: I not only hear you. I really feel your pain. I've been in the dark depression. Barely functioning. The physical weight accompanies me as well.
I want to think I'm getting out of it. Yesterday I started to show some changes. More energy, less worry. Thinking how happy I was when manic (90% of my long life).
Most important, I think I have some living to do still. Even if I am terminally ill.
The days I've left I wish to be happy. And for me, it entails mania. Living full blast.
Doing crazy things. Not causing serious harm, but pissing people off. It's part of the deal.
They don't pay my expenses. I'm retired, so no reputation to uphold.
No kids in the house to be ashamed of me. Only my poor wife will suffer the consecuences. And she works all day to bring our daily bread. So the suffering won't be long.
What I'm I doing being depressed?. I'm gonna take another capsule of ****itall. Later!!.