I want to work on safety, trust, cohesiveness, less disconnects, and balance....I don't think integration is for my system, per se, I'm not necessarily adverse to that word, and the negative connotations it carries when reading research from systems. I want to have less disconnects, I want to be able to have us trust each other to hold job even if part time to get through an interview to be given encouragement well done in that interview, if you don't get a offer then the competition was fierce. I want to work on issues with relationships, because I feel that I can get married again without a big problem of oh I'm a survivor, so there will never be any healing and trusting of men. I want us to be able to choose and discern a guy, so that no signs are there at least in dating, hopefully he is a Godly man because marriage is hard enough with conflict that is inevitable. Parenting anything that spilled over in the parenting not being so guarded as a parent with my children that I lose my identity and force on them to work as therapist or pdoc stuff like that. If all of this entails working on the issue of abuse if and when it continues to come to the light of my conscious mind then so be it, no matter how unbelievable, speaking of the rest of my childhood. I haven't had any concerns with the false memory syndrome, it has been vivid, yes I've recovered memories, so the more the better for everyone else. The emotional part are excellent, just staying out of groups might help cause yes I feel my emotions just not always in the moment like some T have complained about with us. I would like my face to match up with the moments and allow them to impact or at least be able to talk it about it in detail... Whether it is disgust, shame, sadness, fear, guilt. It seems to me if it isn't displayed on our face it can make some people misunderstand us, and that is very worrisome with us knowing that we are healing. The questions linger, am I healing, is this enough, is this going to come out write, I don't know it just like I have to live for certain people's approval. I've gotten to the place, about 4 years in T, that it doesn't matter, I'm not on trial or nor is anyone else that hurt me and I'm certainly not anyone's daughter except for my parents that don't even live in the same state as myself. I've learned not to fear people or who ever talks through to increase fear and intimidation for what ever sad reason. I had this big ole realization that my whole being was founded on that, the brain was re-wired the whole transference conversation it fit that part well, and for good reason...Now, I don't care there are few and far between on who and what I need to do with my life that make sense to focus in the present. Basically, us personally, relationships, and parenting.