While growing up, the only thing I wanted was a career. I grew up in a family where education wasn't important & my fathers work was just a job, with my mom being the traditional housewife. It just wasn't the kind of life I wanted for myself. I was an only child, & enjoyed being around adults, never being able to relate to children or wanting to be around...babysitting, yeck!!! I am 51, so it was just at the age where education became important, but most of the girls I went to school with still became stay at home wives & mothers.

I worked my way through college & decided that school was definitely where I did not want to get my MRS degree & never wanted to have children under any circumstances. However best laid plans often go south. I found a Computer Science major that I really enjoyed being with. Upon his graduation, we decided that marriage was what we wanted but I made it clear that I was GOING TO FINISH my Computer degree & have my own career. Several years later & one careless moment after a long hard semester of studing & tests, along came A BABY...in my mind that rated an AH SH@#!!!!!!! I actually planned to stop the pregnancy, but when it came time, I just couldn't do it. I continued to make it clear that I was not going to change my life style or goals no matter what anyone thought. This was not what I wanted but I was part of the screw up so agreed to go along with it to my defined limits without giving up anything.

Luckily she came just before spring break so all I had to do was take a few days off school. When I came back after school, one of my class mates asked if I had lost weight???? I said only about 8lb 2 oz of girl.

I only had 10 months of school until graduation. My husband decided to get irritated because I wouldn't take 6 months off to bond with our daughter...I said that wasn't the agreement & went on with my life. Luckily my parents lived near, & had many friends that enjoyed caring for little babys while I finished school. I went through on campus interviews & had several job offers to choose from at graduation. I swore that my child was going to fit into MY life style, I wasn't going to fit into hers.

This ended up actually great because we drug her along to everything we did. Backpacking starting at 4 months, skiing at 2 1/2 yrs, traveling around the country. She did learn to mostly adapt to our life, but seemed to throw in the tantrum at the worst time.

I must admit as a mother, I never had a very close feeling to her, but got along fairly well considering I didn't like children. We did have some problems during quite a few years, but sensed that they would have occured no matter what home life would have been like.

Now, I have the most wonderful 26 yr old daughter I ever could want...sure she lives 4 states away, but am constantly in contact with her. She is closer to my husband due to the time he spent with her, but I am very glad he has her.

I'm not saying that having your own life & a child is easy, but if you want it, it can be worked out. I'm sure if the one oops didn't happen, I never would have had children, but I don't regret ever having her & actually have found that there is so much love between us where initially there was resentment.

It is not the best way to go. It is really better if you decide what you want & stick with it, but if something does happen, it is not the end of your world.