welcome 
i know what you mean about wondering how your brain could betray you. i have been dealing with BP for ~5 years, and sometimes i still wonder that. does it get better? at times, it does. at times, it feels worse than it ever was. that is the nature of the beast, and it is rough. reaching out to other is such a positive thing, i'm glad you've joined this community. you're not alone here.
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Dx: Bipolar I ( from old psych) - (current psych/therapist unsure if they agree)
Rx: Lithium 900mg, Lamictal 400mg, Wellbutrin XR 300mg, hydrochlorothiazide 50mg (for lithium side effects), PRN Xanax .5mg, PRN propranolol (for tremors) 20mg
Familiar with OCD tendencies
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