Hi Yoda.... good to hear from you again.

Is going to the hospital an option? Might be the fastest way to get some MD attention. You seem to be coping well given how poorly you are feeling. It is lousy isn't it when you finally decide to ask for help but it's so slow in coming. It is good we have PC to come to any time of day or night. Knowing that and connecting with folks here has pulled me through more than one bad time.

I think the physical fatique is one of the hardest things to deal with. It tires the brain. Breaks down defenses. Challenges one's ability to cope and focus. Rage or tears seem so close to bursting as the fatique causes one to feel more and more overwhelmed by the simplest of things. Add a little extra stress and its that much harder. I guess I wonder which is to blame for what actually. Is it the fatique that makes the stress harder to handle or is it handling the stress that causes the fatique which feeds the depression.

I used to have energy to burn no matter how much I abused myself whether over working or over playing. I guess I should stop comparing myself to before the crash but I do miss my happy, high energy, high productivity manic times.

While I'm better than I was a year ago most days I still have to rest every couple of hours or so or I'll pay for it with increased depression. I tend to need one or two down days after every active day or part day. And even there my active day is pretty darn inactive in contrast to what was my normal. I have to really baby myself to avoid cycling one direction or another.

I do hope you can get some medical attention really soon. You need to give yourself credit for coping as well as you are. Don't short change your strength and courage.

Here for you any time.....