My mother had Narcissistic Personality Disorder, so she invented reality from her head. She remembered things happening that never happened. If she did remember something bad that actually happened, she would just pin on anyone she was angry with at the time. If she wanted to hurt you, she would accuse you of doing something you didn't do. Unfortunately, for me, she wasn't diagnosed until she was 74 years old and I was 44.

I had a psychiatric nurse pay her a visit when she was sprinkling pepper on the entry way to her apartment to "prove people were coming into her apartment to steal her money." The psychiatric nurse diagnosed her with NPD. She said "She is the most manipulative person I've ever met. Don't expect her to love you the way most mothers love their children."

I knew this about her from when I was five years old. Nobody believed me when I told them what she was like. So I stopped having contact with her for many years. I felt sorry for her when she had a stroke and I took care of her for a few months. As a reward, she told me my sister-in-law referred to me with disdain as "Princess Diana." That sister-in-law had never even met me or talked to me on the phone.

So, she turned my sister-in-law against me. This isn't even the worst part. When she told me my sister-in-law referred to me as "Princess Diana," she laughed really hard. When I asked her why she thought it was funny. She said "because she's dead." I hung up on her and never spoke to her again.

I had told her many years ago I would like the family photographs left to me in her will. Nothing more, just the photos. When I cut her out of my life before she had the stroke, she started sending me family photos in the mail. This is the nature of NPD: pure manipulation with a view to controlling others completely. They are really, really mean people. At that point I declared out loud to the universe that I no longer wanted the family photos. I let go of everything associated with my mother. I now choose to remember the few good times she managed to give us, which were few and far between. I choose to forget the bad stuff. I've forgiven her, but I never saw her again. She died in 2013. I didn't go to her funeral.

There are toxic people in the world, more than you realise. If you keep them in your life, they are like poison. Because they are toxic. Cutting them out isn't punishment, it's survival. But many people will judge you for it. Many people judged me for it. That totally doesn't matter, because they don't have to live with the dysfunction or abuse. It's easy to judge something when you yourself don't get hurt by that thing you are judging.

I understand your situation. I get it. I also think you need to do what you need to do to have peace of mind.