I'm sorry you feel that way, eden. I understand struggling with university, as my BA was supposed to take three years and I'm currently on year six, still trying to finish my third year. It's very hard.

However, when you say things that suggest you are going to end your life, I feel obligated to tell you that you do have a choice: you can choose to ask for help. I'm sorry, but reality is far less scary than what you are experiencing, and I desperately want for you to discover that and join us in it. Even if that means taking medication, which, YES, is less than ideal, but if the alternative is killing yourself I really don't see how medication could be any worse than that. If you try it and you don't like it, you can always stop, but at least you will have tried.

The medication can get you well enough to really make use of your therapy. Before I was stabilised on mine, there was no point in me seeing a therapist because I was not in a mental state where it would have been beneficial to me. But now I am, and therapy has helped me so much since I started it three years ago.

I know you are going to be mad at me for this post, but I cannot just sit back and accept that someone wants to suffer because they think they don't have any other choice, when they do. You have a choice, eden. Let the professionals do their jobs, they went to university for many years to get into those positions, and we all have to trust that they can help us (or at least help us to help ourselves).

Is there no part of you that wants to find out what life is like for the vast majority of the people around you? Don't you want to give yourself a chance to join them?

I really wish you would get rid of the people in your head, eden, as well as the demons. They are harming you. They clearly upset you, if you want to take your own life to get away from them. Unfortunately, it is ultimately up to you to figure out that there are ways to make them disappear instead of you, which is the alternative everyone who has replied to this thread would prefer. We all want you to live, eden. That's why we're here.

Please stay safe.