So my session this evening was interesting. I can't decide if it was a good session or not but I guess it doesn't have to be just one or the other.
Anyway, I started off by telling T I'm worried she finds me annoying and will get sick of me because a couple of sessions ago she was saying how usually the client does most of the talking and I have trouble opening up etc. When I told T about this she said that was interesting because last week I was talking about how in romantic relationships I feel like I need to act a certain way to please the other person and she was thinking about it afterwards and wondering if I feel that way in other relationships too. It may not seem like a big deal but I found it really nice to know that T doesn't stop thinking about me as soon as the session finishes

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The other thing I talked to T about was that I've been wondering if I have BPD. I paused for what felt like forever before I actually managed to bring it up. T asked me a lot of questions like how did I come across the term, what makes me think I have it, how does it make me feel and so on but never actually told me if I have it or not. I said that I worry that if I have it is something I'm going to have to deal with for the rest of my life and that having it makes me unlikable. T said that is why labels like that are often unhelpful. I'm kind of irritated and disappointed that she couldn't just tell me if she thinks I have it or not. I just want to know what I should be expecting from myself and what sort of goals I should be setting and stuff like that. I think if I knew at least then I'd have an explanation for my issues rather that thinking I'm just being dramatic and need to "get over it".
I guess I will need to discuss all of this further with T next session...